-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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why are you you touching me ????

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!