greetings clarisse...

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Are your prices by the hour

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!