Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

thumb_up thumb_down +136

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

thumb_up thumb_down +34

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +75

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

thumb_up thumb_down +178

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!