Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

Penis. I got it

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!