She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!