If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Soon

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -121

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +250

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down +56

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -16

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -93

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

-I love you.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -108

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +199

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Lol, waifu and Rebecca are like "do you have to type so much? Come back prince charming... ...I Am all NO! AND CALL ME MASTER BISON. SO ANYWAY SHORT coMMENT SEE? I DONT HAVE TO TYPE AS MUCH! AND NOW THAT THEY ARE ALL LAUGHING BECAUSE OF MY SHEET HERE I JUST KEEP TYPING YOU KNOW BECAUSE THEY ARE HANGING OVER ME AND I CANT MOVE.:: GIrls read this: (not you ladies not yet, I am talking about my gals here) IF YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOU, MOVE THE FUCK OVER TO EACH OF YOUR SIDES, SO I CAN GET UP, YOU CAN SQUEEZE ON TOP OF EACH OTHER SO I CAN DO YOU BOTH. Lol Rebecca is all like "He is not really posting that stuff right? "Hey Nero you are not going to post that stuff are you? Lol Harris, does your sister know me again? Ps: Dont worry folks, I mean Harris is like my bro from another ho, seriously, I bang his sister, he goes like "THERE IS A GOOD CATCH SON!" And kept giving me the thumbs ups when she liked Anal too much and could not sit. ANYWAYSSSSSSS SHORT COMMENT GET! (Sorry id type more, but I think my dick is alive again... IT MUST DROWN IN THE JUICES OF WITCHES OF ENCHANT! "I wont post this Rebecca? Lol, you know why I do not care about their opinion Rebecca lady" BECAUSE I AM AWESOME, AND THEY ARE NOOOOOOOOOOT! Oh you do not want your bro to know... Rebbeca chan... Your bro just sent me a thumbs ups and "take good care of her bro" Yeah let me put this incredibly good laptop away and show you. Ps: SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!