- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey wanna smash pissers?

on Halloween Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

Still a better love story than Twilight

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book