Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -102

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

thumb_up thumb_down -120

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -139

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -75

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -99

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -149

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!