Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!