Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!