Nice legs what time do they open

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!