- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" crying "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

Hey, you want a ride?

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"