-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Nice legs what time do they open

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Do you live around here often?

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!