- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!