"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Hello children! :D

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Do you live around here often?

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!