Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!