A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!