Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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I hate you already.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!