-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

thumb_up thumb_down +104

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +70

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +62

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -130

I hate you already.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

thumb_up thumb_down +36

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

thumb_up thumb_down -128

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +143

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!