I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +111

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

thumb_up thumb_down +65

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -121

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +37

You smell just like my mom...

thumb_up thumb_down +31

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!