Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

hey baby i just came in my pants

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!