I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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-hey, come here a minute.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!