does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!