Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -62

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +37

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!