do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

thumb_up thumb_down -104

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down -7

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -46

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +112

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -56

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!