- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

Eat me, I'm organic!

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book