A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!