Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Hello children! :D

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!