Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

Sorry to take up space, but this is simply my reply to the vile threats to that person whose line starts with "what did you say little bitch", know that he has no idea what he is talking about, and is possibly a simple mental case. Seriously, who the hell are you? And even so, who the hell do you think you are? Yeah with your terrible lack of discipline there is no way in hell you are or would become a soldier. You know very well that the navy would never waste its resources on helping your selfish and childish acts of revenge (or whatever you seek) Death threats will get you nowhere, and you can fully threaten me, but know that I live in Norway, and you can trace me and send your whole unit (if you had one) but by then you would solely be responsible for acts of war and be properly executed for international treason. Know your place civilian, we fight to protect you, do not shame us with your childish vendetta. Drill Sergeant Axel "Strength" Godøy. Aka "Moral Man" Ps: Threaten anyone again, and I will fill a full report and assure that your IP is banned from this network, you are shaming your people, your country and all that fight to defend world peace, try me out and see, give me that luxury.

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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