He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!