Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

thumb_up thumb_down

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Whatever I'll just date myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!