Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!