Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!