Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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