MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!