I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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I think I shit myself

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!