A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

I'll eat your poop

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!