He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

you look like my mother

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

hey you look like a good practice girl.

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!