From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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- You look really nice - I know

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!