- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

Man: Pokes Woman Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: Pokes Man Well it's too bad you're not.

Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- sound of gun clicking Woman: Thanks!

i want a blowjob bitch lifts her hijab

Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book