I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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my dick is 2 inches

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!