You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!