This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Soon

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!