As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

Boy : Gurle: hi

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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