Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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will you marry me

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!