Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

-I love you.

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

Gaywatch starts

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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