Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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- You look really nice - I know

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!