Your body would look good in my trunk.

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nice kid... want another?

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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I have a gun.

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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greetings clarisse...

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!