For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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sex me.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!