Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!