I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +298

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down +206

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -926

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +405

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -151

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

thumb_up thumb_down -126

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Wanna have sex?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -132

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +34

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -248

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!