Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

thumb_up thumb_down +186

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +117

I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +176

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

thumb_up thumb_down -134

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

thumb_up thumb_down -37

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whatever I'll just date myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

thumb_up thumb_down -87

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -86

all in all it was a good orgy

thumb_up thumb_down +187

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!