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.............. ............. ............. ............ ............. ............ ............ ............ ........... ............ ........... ............ ......... ............ ......... ............ ......... ........... ......... ...........

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

thumb_up thumb_down -245

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Have you met Ted?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!