-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Have you met Ted?

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!