Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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I have no gag reflex.

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"Don't scream"

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!